Reflections

So! My new homework is to look through my old homework and find the underlying theme. Then once I have done that I need to find out what monsters, excuses, etc are keeping me from living those dreams and desires. I did some more reflecting and jotted down some thoughts and ideas that came to me:

“I crave adventure and new challenges all the time… I'm hoping to get outta town and go camping and explore in the great outdoors. I am considering the possibility of going back to school. I'm doing things to shake myself up a little like jogging and physical labor.

I dream about having a little cottage with a woodstove, near a body of water (river or lake) and living a simpler life. Swimming, fishing, boating, baking, gardening, painting...all these things...which doesn't make it sound simple at all, but it's my life, my choices, things that I enjoy.”

I want to get out in the world and live life with more “adventures”. I long to be doing so many things. I’m envious of the people who just go camping on the weekends, kayak, and do arty stuff no matter what other people say. I need to find things that resonate with me and really bring me joy. Helping people and making people laugh and smile always gives me a boost. I like new challenges everyday, but are there ways of life/careers that involve helping with positive change. I can’t stand one more day of snobby people giving me grief about trivial things. It makes me want to peel my face off.

Things I love:
Music
People
Nature
Camping
Water
Photography
Seeing a finished project
Freedom to do what I want
Creativity
Humor
Spirituality
Learning
Integrity
Praise
Problem Solving
Passion
Nonconformity
A hard day’s work
Delicious food
Sensuality
Intelligence

What could I go back to school to do that would rock my world and, as frosting, also get me a BA/BS? Photography (some profession with more creative possibilities), finish music, art(field?), botany/ecology specialist, health services, hospitality/tourism, human services, teacher….these are some ideas.
What stops me from living like an artist in a cabin by the river? Money, lifestyle, loved ones, timing, anxiety, fear of the unknown?

How can I stray from the well-beaten path and find myself even if it’s “scary”?

I think I started the journey a while ago, and went through a lot of ups, downs, trial and error. But recently I find myself getting in a rut again and trying to conform more over time because of the fear that I will do something to jeopardize important relationships in my world. When in reality I would probably gain a lot more praise and respect by opening myself up to accomplish my dreams. It is more easy to be a better partner in any relationship when you have more joy and purpose. When you feel like you’re reaching for your dreams everything else dulls in comparison. I need to find my passion and just DO IT. Shake off the fear and live.