Reflections

So! My new homework is to look through my old homework and find the underlying theme. Then once I have done that I need to find out what monsters, excuses, etc are keeping me from living those dreams and desires. I did some more reflecting and jotted down some thoughts and ideas that came to me:

“I crave adventure and new challenges all the time… I'm hoping to get outta town and go camping and explore in the great outdoors. I am considering the possibility of going back to school. I'm doing things to shake myself up a little like jogging and physical labor.

I dream about having a little cottage with a woodstove, near a body of water (river or lake) and living a simpler life. Swimming, fishing, boating, baking, gardening, painting...all these things...which doesn't make it sound simple at all, but it's my life, my choices, things that I enjoy.”

I want to get out in the world and live life with more “adventures”. I long to be doing so many things. I’m envious of the people who just go camping on the weekends, kayak, and do arty stuff no matter what other people say. I need to find things that resonate with me and really bring me joy. Helping people and making people laugh and smile always gives me a boost. I like new challenges everyday, but are there ways of life/careers that involve helping with positive change. I can’t stand one more day of snobby people giving me grief about trivial things. It makes me want to peel my face off.

Things I love:
Music
People
Nature
Camping
Water
Photography
Seeing a finished project
Freedom to do what I want
Creativity
Humor
Spirituality
Learning
Integrity
Praise
Problem Solving
Passion
Nonconformity
A hard day’s work
Delicious food
Sensuality
Intelligence

What could I go back to school to do that would rock my world and, as frosting, also get me a BA/BS? Photography (some profession with more creative possibilities), finish music, art(field?), botany/ecology specialist, health services, hospitality/tourism, human services, teacher….these are some ideas.
What stops me from living like an artist in a cabin by the river? Money, lifestyle, loved ones, timing, anxiety, fear of the unknown?

How can I stray from the well-beaten path and find myself even if it’s “scary”?

I think I started the journey a while ago, and went through a lot of ups, downs, trial and error. But recently I find myself getting in a rut again and trying to conform more over time because of the fear that I will do something to jeopardize important relationships in my world. When in reality I would probably gain a lot more praise and respect by opening myself up to accomplish my dreams. It is more easy to be a better partner in any relationship when you have more joy and purpose. When you feel like you’re reaching for your dreams everything else dulls in comparison. I need to find my passion and just DO IT. Shake off the fear and live.

My Homework

This week I was challenged to think about what my life would be like if it was ideal and all my hopes and dreams were being realized....as if God himself walked in my door and said, "Catie, I feel for you and I have chosen to grant all your desires and needs."

So, as with all things I have forgotten about it and procrastinated all my time to think on this at a leisurely pace and am now cranking it out the morning of... Well, there are a lot of things I desire and dream about...I crave adventure and new challenges all the time. A lot of things in my life are fantastic! I enjoy a wonderful relationship with my husband, and a beautiful home that I can work on and decorate. My husband and I have had some wonderful trips to Las Vegas, San Francisco, the Cayman Islands, Boston, New York, and Victoria, B.C. We are able to pay our bills and get the groceries we need. I have sweet pets...sometimes too many pets. I have a fantastic circle of friends who I love, respect and admire. I volunteer at a local non-profit once a week. I've had a job for three years working for some people who I have really grown to love. My siblings are getting married to great people and having handsome babies! My husband's family is awesome and I love them. And I just got a huge party together and a bunch of donations for my parents so they can finally live their dream of going to Hawaii. So...with all these wonderful factors to my world, where does my dissatisfaction lie?

It's not that I'm ungrateful because I truly realize all these things in my world and appreciate them so much. So, I'm guessing that the things I would change are all about me. My wishes, shortcomings, visions of the future...etc. I have so many great things around me and I can't see my purpose and destiny...something more is waiting perhaps? Lately, I've been a little depressed, pensive, irritable, stand-offish, nostalgic, restless, etc. I have general dreams about what I'd like to learn and experience, but none of them seem that they would fill a deep burning hole in my psyche. Is it a spiritual hole?

Well, there are two days left at my job at Clogs-N-More. So, my schedule will be opening up and I will be taking on Mary Kay part-time. I imagine myself having more time to clean my house and work on home improvement projects that I have been scheming about for months! I will have Sundays off for spiritual endeavors and family time. I'm hoping to get outta town and go camping and explore in the great outdoors. I am considering the possibility of going back to school. I'm doing things to shake myself up a little like jogging and physical labor.

I dream about having a little cottage with a woodstove, near a body of water (river or lake) and living a simpler life. Swimming, fishing, boating, baking, gardening, painting...all these things...which doesn't make it sound simple at all, but it's my life, my choices, things that I enjoy. I think I'm massively failing on this homework, but it was good to write all this down and reflect. Gotta run!

One Job! Two job! Clog job! New job!

I've signed back on to well Mary Kay cosmetics again! In the past, I had a hard time getting good support and good training. Now everything is falling into place. It's funny because my thoughts upon signing back up for 20 bucks was that I could get the skin care and makeup that I love for wholesale! Woot! But upon further contemplation, I really wanted some extra income and a "second job" that is really flexible. And my director is really an awesome lady! She believes in me and gives me excellent guidance. As I've started to put everything together (ie. inventory, website, training, etc.) friends, family, and co-workers have really blown me away with their touching support and great advice! It really means a LOT to me because I was a little apprehensive about being the "crazy Mary Kay lady". But I have found that I am so surrounded by people who love me and want me to succeed that it's not that kind of situation at all. And I'm so touched! I'm just going to pour myself into it like any other job and make it stellar. I'm really curious to know who's gonna show up to my par-tay on June 15th....we'll see....

So, as I start to plan for my future I'm getting more excited, than nervous and freaking out. I'm starting to dream, and to get all psyched up! Woot! Another related adventure was shopping for more professional (and cute!) clothes to do parties and facials in! And, guess what?? Most of the pants and a nice jacket I bought were size 16!! I just couldn't believe it! Only a year ago I was a 20-22! It's been a bit of a challenge lately not being able to eat normally with my new braces and splints (mostly soft and liquid foods), but now I'm kinda thinkin' it's WORTH IT! It's changing some of my eating habits and attitudes about food. Which wasn't happening easily before. It's interesting too because a few months to a year ago I was talking about weight loss with a friend of mine and she talked about giving it up to God and not beating yourself up over it. So, I prayed about it a bit(I'll confess consistent praying is not a strength of mine) with some heartfelt tears and discussion, and I'd like to believe the braces are a bit of an unexpected tool. Perhaps...

As I mentioned before my day dreaming is leading me to think I could achieve my goal of owning an elliptical trainer! Which would really accelerate my goal to be a healthier weight! But I'm also excited about Mary Kay because the product is awesome and I get to meet new people! I LOVE new people! And having parties and helping women feel awesome is a great avenue for me to blossom as well. Maybe I'll have a Sexy Career Woman photo shoot?! It could be fun....

Brandon is back from his trip to Toronto for business. I was pretty pitiful last week as Brandon was gone for three whole days! I wasn't sleeping well, or eating well. But I missed him sooooo much! Things just aren't the same when he's not around. :) His flight even got delayed Thursday night, so he was stuck in Vancouver BC, and couldn't get home until Friday morning. I felt bad for him, and it only prolonged my torture! So, what did I do after days of holding out and starving!? What any woman in my position would do! I drove to Sonic and ordered myself some tots and a Cheddar N Pepper burger. I had to carefully eat it with a fork and knife, but it proved to be pretty tasty, but not a substitute for Brandon. :( So, my love arrived home on Friday morning to a rockin' breakfast of sausage, eggs, and oven-warmed Nazooks! And then after I smooched him into submission. :o Then he said he had a surprise for me! And I couldn't believe it could get any more wonderful having him home, but he got me a gift from his travels! I opened the tiny velvety box and there was a set of synthetic ruby and Swarovski crystal earrings! They are so gorgeous! The man knows how to woo a wife! :) He is so sweet, and I'm pretty sure he is the best hubby of all time. I instantly put them in my ears and proudly wore them all day.

Which reminds me the "How to be a more Godly Wife" class is going really well. I love it! It's really insightful, and helps me to look inward and reflect more on how I communicate and response to my interactions with my loving, sweet husband. I highly recommend it. The only downside is that it's FAR....away in Wilsonville. Because of the timing we have been carpooling the super secret back way to avoid traffic. However, it does give us copious amounts of time to have girl talk. Which I have REALLY treasured, and it has brought me closer to two good friends of mine. And it's really made me more comfortable with communicating with Brandon, including something really wonderful...Brandon and I have been praying at night as a couple. It has been an excellent way to settle in for the night, calm and focus my mind, and bring me closer to Brandon. Well, speaking of awesome husbands, I need to wrap this up and go have a date night! Yay!

And now it's time for another Blog: Brandon's 35th Birthday!

What a weekend! Phew! It was Brandon's 35th birthday and I wanted to make it AWESOME 'cause I loooooove him. So, I spend all day Friday cleaning for the party on Saturday, then that night I took him out to a very special dinner at Portland City Grill, high above Portland on the 30th floor of the Unico US Bancorp Tower. I chose this place because I really wanted to make him feel spoiled, as he has taken me out for so many lavish seafood and steak dinners. This place had a pretty good reputation on Yelp.com, so I took a chance and made a reservation on OpenTable.com. We had a little trouble figuring out the parking because I didn't know they had parking right below the building! I was misinformed. But once we parked and rode the elevator to the ear popping height of 30 floors for dinner, we were greeted with smiles in the dark ambiance of the PCG.

The view was stunning! The city lights were coming up as the sun went down and enormous storm clouds circled at the edge of the city hills making an almost surreal view. I wish I had taken a picture, but was focused on the man I love, and dinner since we were both hungry! We ordered soups to start; mine was the cream of asparagus (comfort food), and Brando had the seafood cioppino(sp?). For our delectable entrees, I decided on the Seared Ahi Tuna with a spicy rub that made me say "oh mama!", and the birthday boy decided on a little ol' helpin' of a 10oz. filet mignon!! And did he stop there? No! He went the distance with a crab/bernaise/asparagus topping! Oh yeah! We took turns sampling each others' dishes and then continued chatting and munch away while staring lovingly into each others eyes! So romantic and awesome! The only downside was that for about the first 20 mins of our excellent meal there was a table behind me laughing and yelling as loud as humanely possible. I was good enough to let Brandon know that in about 5mins I was going to strangle the whole table, but ultimately decided to ignore them. They are lucky they left....

Sadly, we found ourselves a bit too full for dessert. And opted to find something to go on the way home. Well, the ramp to 26 was closed (lame) so we had a little stress trying to maneuver through town to the super-secret back way home. Brandon spent time stewing over what he wanted for dessert and the choice was made to stop at Sonic and pick up a good ol' fudge sundae. But while driving I continued to spout ideas of other options...pie from Marie's? Coldstone? Fred Meyer poppy seed bundt cake? But no, he persisted, onward he drove toward Sonic...Soon, at a stop light I thought Albertson's chocolate chip cookies and milk. Just in that instant, Brando said, "I have an idea..." to which I immediately queried, "Albertson's chocolate chip cookies and milk?" Brandon got quiet, the light turned green, he said, "Get outta my head!" To which I replied, "No way! Really?" And we drove on to Albertson's to GET that choc chip cookies and milk.

It was a good night, my friends. But more fun was to be had for Mr. Brando. After the night of cookies and romance we got some good sleep and the next morning Brandon asked me to cut his hair, but I hemmed and hawed and told him I could trim it a bit but didn't really feel like cutting it. While secretly, days before I had hatched a plan. A plan for treating Brandon like a king! So I said, "I can't cut your hair." He asked, "Why?" I revealed my plan, "Because someone else is cutting your hair! I made you an appointment at Hair M for a skilled haircut and a luxurious 55min massage at exactly 1:45pm!" He was shocked and pleasantly surprised. How could I treat him to such a rich dinner and still treat him to such amazing pampering?! Well, I planned ahead! Oh yeah! My husband didn't know my cunning and desire to make him feel amazing on his 35th birthday. But like I said before, I LOOOOOOVE him.

We still had a little time to kill and needed party supplies and to drop off Mr. Stinks for his grooming appointment at PetsMart. So we hit our fave cafe, Insomnia for breakfast then went on to Costco. Soon we arrived home and it was time for me to get ready for the party (more cleaning, bleh) and for him to go off and get pampered. The party time came before I knew it with friends and family all around and Brandon looking quite handsome in his new haircut and feeling worked over with his excellent massage. Mission accomplished! Everyone had fun chatting and watching the antics of my friends' 3yr old. Brandon had picked out a "cookies and cream" cake which I topped with the "3" and "5" candles I had purchased the night before on the cookie run. Brandon got some new blu-ray movies, a Count tee(Sesame Street), and some iTunes points.

Last week on Tuesday I went to a class with a few of my friends on loving and honoring your husband and what that means, while growing in your relationship with God. It was really wonderful. I didn't really know what to expect, but the speaker, Judy was truly sincere and yearned to share some good knowledge wit us. I really felt comfortable, entertained, and went away with some new perspectives and warm fuzzies. And it gets better! There are three more Tuesdays where we will enjoy some insight from Miss Judy and socialize with some REALLY great ladies. So, I'm looking forward to trekking back out to Wilsonville tomorrow night.

Right now, Brandon's sister, Pam, is staying with us for a few days. So, they got to hang out yesterday and hit Uwajimaya and Fry's while I was at work. Brandon picked out some more cool blu-rays for his birthday and was really sweet and picked a couple I would enjoy too(ie. Princess Bride and Pirates of the C: The Black Pearl). I stayed up too late again last night and got up too early. Unfortunately I am still tired. I don't have to work til 1pm, so maybe I'll sneak in a walk with Hendrix and a nap? We'll see!

Keep on Truckin'

So, still been pretty busy lately. I never really get the chance to get bored. I spent a good three hours in the last couple days moving a bunch of free dirt from my neighbor's driveway onto the edge of my lawn where I am planning to make a raised/mounded bed for shrubs, trees and flowers. My plan is to cover the ugly parts of my lawn, and define the space a little more. I am also putting in some bricks next to the driveway to expand it a bit. Brandon was sweet enough to help me this morning, but yesterday I spend a good two hours out in the hot sun moving dirt. I am sore today, but not as sore as I thought I would be. We'll also be getting our siding done in the next few weeks! Our cute little house will then be a sharp moss green with white trim. I couldn't help myself last week and put together a few potted flowers around my house. I needed some color to go with the sun that's finally come back to Oregon.As you know, I have also cleaned and rearranged the family room and yesterday I bought a nice little TV stand at the GW Outlet for $15. I had to clean it up and put it together correctly (it's almost as good as new). Not only was it a great deal, but it came with two free DVD's that were never cleaned out of it (Premonition and The DaVinci Code), two owner's manuals, three old remotes, and the base of an old TV antenna.

Brandon and I took a bunch of old DVD's and CD's over to FYE and exchanged them for a bunch of new CD's, DVD's, and Blu-Ray's (Too many to list here). I'm so excited! Woot!

I was laying down to try and take a nap before work on Thursday and it ended up being more a meditation session. I just had a moment of reflection and clarity. It occurred to me that I felt so blessed because I have such a wonderful husband, home, family, the ability to get the medical/dental care I need, and being able to pay my bills and buy the groceries I need. There were times in the past where I could hardly pay my rent and the stress of being really broke was breaking me. I was also thinking back to the end of last summer when I was walking in the park and looking up to the heavens and feeling such an overwhelming feeling of the long weight-loss journey that I was beginning at 230lbs. I am now at 211lbs. which isn't ideal, but so much closer to how much I weighed when Brandon and I started dating. My goal for the summer is get back under 200lbs and keep on truckin'!!

The Epic Battle of Girl Vs. Braces Goes On!

So, I was so productive yesterday that I expected to wake today and take on the world once more! However, my teeth had a different plan. Upon taking a sip of water in the morning a couple of my teeth were throbbing with pain! After calling my orthodontist and leaving a pitiful message, I continued my day in the hopes that this pain would subside and that I could just go forward with eating and accomplishing all my awesome plans. Well, the pain continued to be a nuisance, and I also discovered that cool air aggravates it as well. While trying to get things done the discomfort made me crabby and snippy at my loving husband. After having a horrible ordeal trying to get a newly purchased wheelbarrow into my sedan (another long story) along with 8 bags of paver's sand, I had had it and bawled for about 5mins in the car in order to pull-it together and go into Lowe's to get a couple more things. Yikes!

So, finally made it home and took a shower and some ibuprofen. In the middle of shaving my legs I ran out of hot water, which made a relaxing shower anything but. So, I opted not to go to Salem to visit Brandon's grandparents whom I love dearly because I would only feel like a crabby ol' stick in the mud.

On an unrelated tangent, I REALLY want an elliptical trainer in my family room. I cleaned and reorganized the whole thing in order to make space for it. An added bonus to my obsessive cleaning tactic is that now the family room is more cozy and focuses on the fireplace more. :) Happy times! I need to go take some pictures of all my hard work planting flowers! Maybe I'll post them next time. Till then, keep yer britches up and eat some ice cream.

I got braces at 31yrs!!

My teeth are still sore and it makes eating and kissing a lot less fun. But most of all I abhore flossing more than I ever have! Brandon had to give me support after I broke down last night bawling and drooling with floss hanging halfway outta my mouth. The image is fairly comical now, but at the time other painful tortures or even death sounded preferrable.

Brandon has been absolutely wonderful through the whole process of oral surgery and braces. He's helped around the house, pampered me, and tried to help ease my mind. I love him so much!! As far as diet goes I'm getting a little burnt out on soft foods and soups. But it's one of the best diets Ive been on!

I'm almost done reading the most known works of the great Jane Austen, even "Lady Susan". A short story full of drama. But Im about to dive into Mansfield Park. We'll see how the story unfolds. So far I think my faves are Emma, Northanger Abbey, and the good ol' P&P(can't seem to get enough of the book or the movie). Well, must get on with the day. Mr. Hendrix is making all his goofy noises at me that mean he needs to go outside.

Life is great!